Ep 21 Between Joy & Pain: The Hesitation of Discussing Infertility with Pregnant Friends & Family

If you’re on the infertility journey, you’ve likely faced this delicate balancing act: how do you navigate your own pain while celebrating the joy of those around you? Specifically, how do you talk about infertility with friends and family who are pregnant?  My sister and very best friend were both pregnant when I was struggling to conceive, that was a tough one for me!

It’s a space filled with complexity. On one hand, you’re genuinely happy for their news. On the other, it’s hard not to feel a pang of sadness or longing - a reminder of what you’re still waiting for. If you’ve ever hesitated to share your feelings with them, know that you’re not alone.

The Weight of Hesitation

Talking about infertility can feel vulnerable at the best of times, but doing so with someone who’s pregnant can feel even more complicated. You might worry about being a “downer” during their joyful time or perhaps you fear their response will inadvertently hurt you.

Sometimes, the hesitation comes from a place of self-protection. After all, it can feel risky to open up about your struggles when you’re already feeling fragile.

I know I felt embarrassed, I couldn't do something that came so naturally to others.

Balancing Joy and Pain

Here’s the truth: both your joy for them and your pain for yourself can exist at the same time. They don’t cancel each other out and neither one diminishes the other. It’s ok to feel both.

When you choose to talk about your infertility with a pregnant friend or family member, it’s not about overshadowing their happiness - it’s about creating space for your truth while still honouring theirs.

Starting the Conversation

If you feel ready to share, consider starting with honesty and kindness. Something like:

“I’m so happy for you and your growing family. At the same time, I’ve been struggling with infertility and it’s been a tough journey. I wanted to share this with you because I value our relationship.”

This kind of openness helps your loved one understand where you’re coming from while making it clear that your feelings are not a reflection of their joy.

Setting Boundaries

It’s also ok to set boundaries if certain conversations or events feel too overwhelming. For example, you might say:

“I’m so excited for you, but I might need to step back from baby-related discussions sometimes. I hope you understand - it’s just something I’m working through.”

True friends and supportive family members will appreciate your honesty and want to respect your emotional needs.

When They Don’t Understand

Unfortunately, not everyone will respond perfectly. Some may unintentionally say hurtful things or struggle to empathise. If this happens, remember that their reaction is not a reflection of your worth or the validity of your feelings.

If you find it hard to connect, lean on others who “get it,” whether that’s a trusted friend a support group or even an online community of people navigating infertility.

Allowing Yourself Grace

It’s ok to step back when you need to. If baby showers or pregnancy milestones feel too hard to attend, you don’t have to force yourself. Your emotional wellbeing matters, too.

At the same time, it’s ok to feel joy for your loved ones and let those moments coexist with your own grief. Navigating these emotions doesn’t make you selfish-  it makes you human.

Connection Matters

Talking about infertility with pregnant friends and family may feel intimidating, but it can also be an opportunity to deepen your relationships. When handled with honesty and care, these conversations can create space for mutual understanding, love and support.

You’re allowed to honour your journey while celebrating theirs. Finding that balance isn’t always easy, but you’re not alone in trying.

With love and understanding

Wendy

PS:  Go check out our FREE guide "Boost your Fertility" - Packed with tips and hints to help your mind-body connection - www.wendytaylorcoaching.co.uk/guide