Attending family gatherings like Guy Fawkes Night can be a wonderful opportunity to connect with loved ones, enjoy fireworks and embrace the warmth of community. However, if you are navigating the emotional rollercoaster of infertility, these events can also bring about complex feelings of grief, sadness and isolation – especially when there are children all around. The constant reminder of what you desire most can make such celebrations feel emotionally overwhelming. You can find more tips on my free guide at www.wendytaylorcoaching.co.uk.
While it’s natural to experience these emotions, there are ways to cope and make the experience a little easier. Below, we’ll explore some helpful coping mechanisms for attending family events with lots of children, ensuring that you take care of your mental and emotional wellbeing while still being present with your family and friends.
1. Set Boundaries Before You Attend
Before even stepping foot at the event, it’s important to set emotional boundaries for yourself. Take some time to reflect on your needs and limitations. You don’t have to stay for the entire event if it becomes too overwhelming, and you’re allowed to say no to conversations or questions that feel triggering.
Here are a few tips for boundary-setting:
- Limit your time: If you know that being around children for an extended period will be difficult, set a time limit for how long you’ll stay. Plan to arrive later or leave earlier if necessary.
- Prepare answers: Sometimes well-meaning family members might ask about your fertility journey, or whether you plan to have children. Having prepared responses can help you handle these questions with less emotional stress. A simple, “We’re focusing on other things right now,” or “We’re taking things one step at a time,” can help deflect the conversation.
- Communicate with your partner or support system: If you’re attending the event with your partner, let them know what you’re comfortable with and how you’re feeling. This allows them to support you if things become emotionally overwhelming. If you’re attending alone, confide in a trusted family member or friend beforehand so they can offer support during the event.
2. Create a Plan for Self-Care During the Event
Having a self-care plan can be a lifesaver in emotionally charged situations. Before attending, think about what makes you feel safe and calm and incorporate those coping strategies into the event.
Here’s how you can practice self-care while attending:
- Take breaks: If the presence of children becomes overwhelming, give yourself permission to step away. Whether it’s taking a short walk, heading to a quieter area, or even spending time with adults who aren’t focused on children, these moments can help you recharge emotionally.
- Stay grounded: Grounding exercises, such as deep breathing, meditation, or even focusing on the warmth of a cup of hot chocolate, can help you stay present and calm your mind when feelings of sadness or anxiety arise.
- Engage with adults: Try to focus your attention on interacting with other adults at the event and engage in conversations that don’t revolve around children or family-building. Shifting your focus can help take the emotional sting out of the situation.
3. Be Selective About Your Attendance
There’s nothing wrong with being selective about which family events you attend, especially if you’re in a particularly vulnerable place in your fertility journey. You don’t have to feel obligated to attend every family event, particularly if you know it will be filled with children and could intensify your emotions.
When deciding whether to attend, consider:
- How you’re feeling at the time: If you’re feeling emotionally fragile, it might be better to skip the event entirely and focus on self-care.
- Whether you want to attend: It’s okay to prioritise your wellbeing over family obligations. If attending the event feels like too much, be honest with yourself. You can always explain to family members that you’re unable to make it without diving into personal details.
4. Practice Gratitude for the Joy in the Present Moment
While the longing for a child is very real, practicing gratitude can help shift your mindset during family events. Rather than focusing on what’s missing, take a moment to reflect on the positives in your life, the love surrounding you and the joy in the present moment.
How to cultivate gratitude during family events:
- Focus on relationships: Remind yourself of the love and connection you have with your partner, family members and friends. Spend time strengthening those bonds.
- Appreciate the festivities: Guy Fawkes Night is a time to enjoy fireworks, warm fires, and the excitement of the event. Find moments of joy in these traditions, whether it’s savoring your favorite food, enjoying the warmth of a bonfire, or watching the dazzling fireworks light up the sky.
- Be gentle with yourself: Acknowledge that your feelings of sadness are valid, but also remind yourself that it’s okay to experience joy in the present moment, even amidst the challenges of infertility.
5. Have an Exit Strategy
No matter how much you prepare, sometimes family events can become too overwhelming to manage. That’s why it’s important to have an exit strategy in place. Give yourself permission to leave the event early if it becomes emotionally draining.
- Pre-plan your exit: Before attending, let your partner or host know that you may need to leave early. This gives you an easy way out if the event becomes too much to handle.
- Avoid feeling guilty: Don’t feel guilty about leaving early or skipping an event altogether. Your emotional wellbeing is the top priority. It’s okay to prioritise self-care in these moments.
- Plan a reward afterward: Whether it’s a relaxing evening with your favorite movie, a warm bath, or indulging in your favorite treat, plan something comforting for after the event to help soothe your emotions.
6. Seek Support
If attending family events with children is consistently difficult, consider seeking additional support. Fertility support groups, coaching, or even talking with a friend who understands your journey can provide a safe space to process your feelings and help you navigate these challenging situations.
There’s no shame in reaching out for support. Sometimes just knowing that others share your feelings can be incredibly comforting and validating.
Conclusion
Attending family events with lots of children, like Guy Fawkes Night, can be challenging for women facing infertility. The reminders of what you’re yearning for can make these gatherings emotionally draining. However, by setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and having a support system in place, you can make the experience more manageable and less overwhelming.
Remember, it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. It’s okay to step away if it becomes too much. And it’s okay to take care of yourself first. By putting your wellbeing at the forefront, you’ll find ways to navigate these events while honouring your emotional journey.
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